New Cartoon: 'The Incestsons' debuts this week

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Vol 29 Issue 10

World's Longest Wall Completed

PEMBROKE, IL—The Bernstein-Grey construction company announced the completion of the world’s longest wall yesterday, putting the final touches on the single greatest feat in U.S.

Clinton Blown Away

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP)— Pres-ident Clinton is recovering today after being “shot dead” by the flavor of Trident Sugarless Spearmint Gum late Monday night.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Spring

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

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