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President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

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New Dr Pepper Drink Aimed At Men

Dr Pepper Ten, a new diet soda from the Dr Pepper Snapple Group, is being marketed to men with the slogan "It's not for women." Here are some of the other ways the company is portraying the beverage's masculinity:

  • Pull-out supplement in Men's Health with instructions on how to use the bottle to massage the prostate
  • For first time, revealing Dr Pepper's first name, which happens to be Mark
  • Dr Pepper–sponsored legislation could punish women caught imbibing the beverage with stiff monetary penalties or up to two years in prison
  • Removing estrogen from Dr Pepper's original formulation of 23 flavors
  • 24-packs come equipped with heavy-duty twine for securing the case to the hood or roof of a man's automobile
  • Layer of body hair covering the majority of the can
  • Bow-hunting tip under the cap of every bottle
  • Promo in national restaurant chain offering free serving of Dr Pepper Ten every time you sexually harass a waitress
  • Maybe an ad featuring a picture of a guy holding a football

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