In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.
LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.
SANDUSKY, OH—Immediately standing up from his seat and striding quickly past other visitors as soon as the snack was over, Cedar Point amusement park patron Paul Matazaro reportedly raced back to the end of the line for another funnel cake Thursday.
WASHINGTON—In recognition of the 1981 live album’s contribution to the metal pioneers’ legacy, the Library of Congress announced Tuesday that No Sleep ’Til Hammersmith had been added to the National Motörhead Registry.
CHANHASSEN, MN—Ending rampant speculation regarding the extent of the late musician’s catalogue of unreleased recordings, the executors of Prince’s estate announced Monday that the performer’s famed vault in his Paisley Park residence sadly contains 37,000 hours of Billy Joel covers.
NEW YORK—Following on the heels of the surprise release of her new album, Lemonade, over the weekend, Beyoncé unexpectedly debuted a brand-new song Monday about how purchasing a subscription to the streaming music service Tidal is the most empowering action a woman can take, sources confirmed.
OCALA, FL—Speaking somberly while staring off into the distance, local resident Mike Budd, a man who regularly wears tinted, wraparound Oakley sunglasses upside down on the back of his head, told reporters Monday that he is still recovering from the 2013 death of actor Paul Walker.
WASHINGTON—Telling reporters they were unable to convey the full extent of their gratitude that the plot of the hit HBO series had finally surpassed the events of the novels, citizens across the country expressed immense relief Sunday that all the insufferable little Game Of Thrones fans would no longer be able to lord the books over everyone else just trying to enjoy the show.
FREMONT, CA—In an effort to refresh his memory ahead of the upcoming season of the popular fantasy series, local Game Of Thrones fan Bryan Parker reportedly rewatched past episodes of the show this week to remind himself of what all the characters’ breasts look like.
LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
COATESVILLE, PA—Calling his bowing and candle-work “sloppy at best,” parishioners at Holy Family Church told reporters yesterday that new altar boy Christopher Mains, 11, was clearly not ready for the spotlight of the 10 a.m. Sunday Mass.
BOSTON—According to a report released Monday by the sociology department at Tufts University, the average American completely wastes 77 years of his or her life not listening to the adult contemporary soft-rock classic “The Finer Things” by Steve Winwood.
Following the untimely death of esteemed broadcast journalist Tim Russert, 23-year-old son Luke Russert was tapped by the NBC political team to fill at least some small part of the giant head-space left by his father's absence.
Lucy the Dog captured hearts across the nation by adopting a litter of abandoned kittens and bumping a story about a Pakistani suicide bombing off the Yahoo! home page.
Samantha Ronson entered the public consciousness when the DJ single-handedly prevented Lindsay Lohan from receiving bad press or getting into trouble, keeping the actress's head safely inside her vagina for the year.
Oscar-winning screenwriter Diablo Cody is here to stay, and you have no one to blame but yourselves.
Robert Pattinson's jaw became an overnight sensation after appearing in the film Twilight, where it spoke, masticated, and brooded.
Thomas Beatie, the so-called "pregnant man," shocked the world this year with his incredibly feminine-looking face, vagina, and uterus.
America fell in love with celebrity impersonator Frank Caliendo or whatever his name is and the show they saw advertised about 150,000 fucking times, but never actually saw, if it ever even came out. Did it?