adBlockCheck

New Faces In The News

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

New Faces In The News

Following the untimely death of esteemed broadcast journalist Tim Russert, 23-year-old son Luke Russert was tapped by the NBC political team to fill at least some small part of the giant head-space left by his father's absence.
Lucy the Dog captured hearts across the nation by adopting a litter of abandoned kittens and bumping a story about a Pakistani suicide bombing off the Yahoo! home page.
Samantha Ronson entered the public consciousness when the DJ single-handedly prevented Lindsay Lohan from receiving bad press or getting into trouble, keeping the actress's head safely inside her vagina for the year.
Oscar-winning screenwriter Diablo Cody is here to stay, and you have no one to blame but yourselves.
Robert Pattinson's jaw became an overnight sensation after appearing in the film Twilight, where it spoke, masticated, and brooded.
Thomas Beatie, the so-called "pregnant man," shocked the world this year with his incredibly feminine-looking face, vagina, and uterus.
America fell in love with celebrity impersonator Frank Caliendo or whatever his name is and the show they saw advertised about 150,000 fucking times, but never actually saw, if it ever even came out. Did it?

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close