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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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New Features in Madden '08

The release of the new Madden videogame has become an event in its own right. Onion Sports lists everything players can get excited about in '08, not counting roster changes:

Stupid HB Option play that would never work in real life but somehow works every goddamn time your friend Jacob does it

"Regular Life Mode," where you play in real time as a regular person living a fairly ordinary existence who occasionally gets to watch a football game

Improved cover jinx will force Vince Young to wander the Earth for all time, unable to rest, in an eternal search for a single honest man

"Raise An Athlete Mode," where you act as a parent and must love and nurture your child's talent for 20 years; fatal injuries can be switched off

1,028 new fumble animations, one of which can be seen on every third play

Changed all the damn button controls around yet again so you have to relearn everything for the fourth time in five years

"Union President Mode" lets player withhold pensions from ex-players

When sacked for a loss of more than seven yards while playing the Wii version, television falls on you

New "Bust Mode" allows you to wash out after three disappointing seasons, start a new life as a car salesman or high school coach, and be interviewed about it by Jeremy Schaap

At some point in every Bears game, Jim Belushi shows up for an interview

"Actually Have Fun While Playing Mode," where all of the bullshit features created in the past five years are switched off so you can actually have fun while playing

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