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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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New Features Of ‘Grand Theft Auto V’

The latest installment of the Grand Theft Auto video game series launches Tuesday. Here are a few of the new features gamers can look forward to:

  • 15-hour opening cinematic scene
  • Character now sometimes steps in gum
  • Users can unlock one free episode of the 1960’s action-comedy Car Robbers! on which the franchise is based
  • Gamers can dress characters up in any outfits they want, much as a 5-year-old girl would with her doll
  • Solid Thai restaurants
  • Online multiplayer mode where up to 16 players can hold hands
  • Free admission to botanical gardens while playing during hours of 11 a.m and 4 p.m. on Sundays
  • Like previous installments, gameplay immerses players in alternate reality where their lives are rich and meaningful
  • All three protagonists inexplicably named Gideon
  • Ability to lick everything
  • After you finish playing it for the first time, you will become known by friends and coworkers as a very cool guy, and everyone will want to talk to you about your fascinating exploits in the game

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