New GM-Segway Vehicle Coming

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Vol 45 Issue 16

Simple Tips For A Greener House

Cutting energy consumption not only saves you money, it helps save the environment. Here are 10 simple things you can do around the house to the earth AND your wallet a greener place.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

New GM-Segway Vehicle Coming

Ailing auto company General Motors has teamed up with personal transport device manufacturer Segway to create the PUMA, a two-person electrical vehicle that can travel up to 35 miles on a single charge. Here are some of the features of this innovative new device:

Horn plays MIDI version of "La Cucaracha"

Combines with six other PUMAs to form powerful urban assault vehicle

A single windshield wiper, mostly for laughs

Revolutionary new internal generator converts the force of impact from SUVs into energy

Attachable plow collects recyclables from side of highway

Seats two people in the cab, plus one more running alongside

Runs on 450 rechargeable AA batteries

Fully electric engine makes Prius-drivers feel like complete and utter shit

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