adBlockCheck

New Super Stats

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

New Super Stats

Sports is currently enjoying an era of unprecedented statistical analysis, with Moneyball having opened the floodgates for stats-oriented people to find new benchmarks in every sport. Here are some of the more notable number-crunchings:

  • OPSPA: On-base plus slugging plus batting average: Considered a more comprehensive measurement of batting efficiency because it adds more things to other things
  • UZR: Accounts for a player's defense by counting the happy clicks a dolphin makes while watching the play in its tank
  • PER: John Hollinger decides how much he likes a player and then makes up a number for him
  • RUNX2: A stat equal to the number of runs scored by a baseball player multiplied by two
  • PTTYLPS: Compares contemporary stock car drivers' performances to the number of laps Richard Petty would have completed under similar conditions in his 1970 Plymouth Superbird with the big-block motor and the badass wing back before NASCAR got pussified
  • BFEST: Estimates the likelihood a player would be your best friend assuming you and he were both totally normal guys going about their business who crossed paths and were just looking to connect with someone else
  • OPBICYT: A player's on-base percentage if the Red Sox had traded Carl Yastrzemski to the Tigers for Lance Parrish, Pat Underwood, and a third-round draft pick sometime before the 1978 season started

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close