News Corp. Losing Money

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Vol 45 Issue 33

Mom Has Some Wild New Ideas For Dressing Son This Year

TIGARD, OR—"Well, you know how boys are," said Karen Dougherty, as she carefully hemmed the cuffs on a pair of baby-blue corduroys. "If Michael had his way, he'd probably run out the door every day in a T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

News Corp. Losing Money

Last week, News Corp.—the parent company of Fox News, 20th Century Fox, the Fox Broadcasting Company, the New York Post, and other media properties—reported a fourth-quarter loss of $203 million. Here are some of the factors that led to this financial decline:

It costs hundreds of thousands of dollars for a trained staff to white-out the O's in all the FX-related mail

New York Post headline writer really dragged Murdoch over the coals during last round of contract negotiations

Wall Street Journal printed on uncut sheets of $20 bills for last three months

St. Louis Fox affiliate not buying break room snacks in bulk

Rupert Murdoch is still obsessed with inventing an upside-down helicopter

Last episode of So You Think You Can Dance filmed in space

Night At The Museum insurance apparently did not cover destroying Smithsonian artifacts

Not as many people felt like listening to their shit

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