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Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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NFL 2010 Midseason Highlights

While it's still anyone's league halfway through the season, the first nine weeks of pro football have provided some undeniably intriguing moments.

  • Week 1: The new Meadowlands Stadium gets off to an awkward start when the Jets walk in on the completely naked Giants in the locker room.
  • Week 2: Quarterback Trent Edwards successfully holds the Bills offense to 186 yards
  • Week 3: Cowboys get right back on track with a win over the Texans and have a whole bye week to prepare for a deep playoff run
  • Week 4: Bears realize they're giving up a number of sacks because center Olin Kreutz is hiking defensive linemen at Jay Cutler
  • Week 5: Charlie Batch throws for three touchdowns during a rerun of a Steelers game from 2006
  • Week 6: Ben Roethlisberger emerges from his soul-searching period with a breakthrough: He remembers where he left the Jet Ski keys
  • Week 7: James Harrison calls off his retirement plans when he finds out it's illegal to hit someone in the head in the real world too
  • Week 8: Bye
  • Week 9: Players and fans collectively breathe a sigh of relief, as it's just nice to have a moment without Randy Moss there

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