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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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NFL 2010 Midseason Highlights

While it's still anyone's league halfway through the season, the first nine weeks of pro football have provided some undeniably intriguing moments.

  • Week 1: The new Meadowlands Stadium gets off to an awkward start when the Jets walk in on the completely naked Giants in the locker room.
  • Week 2: Quarterback Trent Edwards successfully holds the Bills offense to 186 yards
  • Week 3: Cowboys get right back on track with a win over the Texans and have a whole bye week to prepare for a deep playoff run
  • Week 4: Bears realize they're giving up a number of sacks because center Olin Kreutz is hiking defensive linemen at Jay Cutler
  • Week 5: Charlie Batch throws for three touchdowns during a rerun of a Steelers game from 2006
  • Week 6: Ben Roethlisberger emerges from his soul-searching period with a breakthrough: He remembers where he left the Jet Ski keys
  • Week 7: James Harrison calls off his retirement plans when he finds out it's illegal to hit someone in the head in the real world too
  • Week 8: Bye
  • Week 9: Players and fans collectively breathe a sigh of relief, as it's just nice to have a moment without Randy Moss there

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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