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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NFL Combine 2008

Darren McFadden's 4.33 40 time is the talk of this year's pre-draft workout, but it was far from the only notable moment in Indianapolis last weekend:

Hawaii QB Colt Brennan completed 17 passes out of the 20 he attempted during the bench press segment

Michigan QB Chad Henne demonstrated his ability to sing three-part harmony by himself as scouts looked on in consternation and growing horror

DE Vernon Gholston put in the combine's strongest showing with a 4.6 40 time, five-second cone drill, 48-inch vertical, laser vision, the ability to fuel cars with his urine, and a broad jump from which he has not yet come down

QB prospect Joe Flacco is being called the next Tom Brady for his chiseled jaw, soulful eyes, tousled hair and roguish grin

Everyone except Michigan running back Mike Hart finished 40-yard dash this year

N.C. State defensive lineman Tank Tyler ate the entire pile of Wonderlic tests in under 12 minutes

Virginia offensive guard Branden Albert just stretched for three days, then left

OT Ryan Clady goes from underrated to top prospect to bust to underrated again in less than five minutes

After a one-handed catch, the coaches ranked Virginia Tech's Justin Harper the greatest player of all time

Louisville's Harry Douglas couldn't understand why every time he took a step, people began writing furiously in their notebooks

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