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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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NFL Combine 2008

Darren McFadden's 4.33 40 time is the talk of this year's pre-draft workout, but it was far from the only notable moment in Indianapolis last weekend:

Hawaii QB Colt Brennan completed 17 passes out of the 20 he attempted during the bench press segment

Michigan QB Chad Henne demonstrated his ability to sing three-part harmony by himself as scouts looked on in consternation and growing horror

DE Vernon Gholston put in the combine's strongest showing with a 4.6 40 time, five-second cone drill, 48-inch vertical, laser vision, the ability to fuel cars with his urine, and a broad jump from which he has not yet come down

QB prospect Joe Flacco is being called the next Tom Brady for his chiseled jaw, soulful eyes, tousled hair and roguish grin

Everyone except Michigan running back Mike Hart finished 40-yard dash this year

N.C. State defensive lineman Tank Tyler ate the entire pile of Wonderlic tests in under 12 minutes

Virginia offensive guard Branden Albert just stretched for three days, then left

OT Ryan Clady goes from underrated to top prospect to bust to underrated again in less than five minutes

After a one-handed catch, the coaches ranked Virginia Tech's Justin Harper the greatest player of all time

Louisville's Harry Douglas couldn't understand why every time he took a step, people began writing furiously in their notebooks

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