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Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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NFL Combine Highlights

With the NFL draft combine in the books, Onion Sports takes a closer look at some of the more notable performances:

After Notre Dame QB Brady Quinn's refusal to throw for scouts damages his draft standing, LSU quarterback JaMarcus Russell improves his own by throwing Quinn 60 yards

Sooners running back Adrian Peterson settles all questions about his health and toughness by nonchalantly strolling through brick walls whenever possible 

UTEP quarterback Jordan Palmer impresses coaches and scouts by repeatedly saying "I am related to NFL quarterback Carson Palmer"

Wisconsin offensive lineman Joe Thomas executes a 50-foot vertical leap upon being frightened by a mouse during his physical; the nurse who catches him is invited to work out for the Arizona Cardinals

Kansas State wide receiver Yamon Figures wows all in attendance by turning in a blazing 4.2-second time on the Wonderlic test

Ohio State's Ted Ginn fails to impress the Cleveland Browns during the interview portion of the combine when head coach Romeo Crennel asks him why he wants to play for the Browns; Ginn responds by saying he does not, in fact, want to play for the Browns

While the lights are being turned off so everyone can go home for the night, USC center Ryan Kalil is discovered to be still bench-pressing 225 pounds

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