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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NFL Midseason Report 2007

Upon reaching the midpoint of the 2007 NFL season, Onion Sports lists the notable moments, achievements, and situations in pro football thus far:

The defending Super Bowl champion Colts get out to an embarrassing 7-1 start, made worse by the fact that their quarterback isn't on pace to break the single season touchdown record

The Patriots' relentless scoring barrage has led to questions of whether they're the greatest team ever or just a bunch of cocky assholes

Thanks to a combination of tough play, fortunate turnovers, sudden outbreaks of ball lightning, and grand pianos falling from stadium upper decks, the abysmal Detroit Lions somehow win six games

Ben Roethlisberger is having a career year, due to the quarterback's new offseason training regimen of not almost killing himself

The New Orleans Saints continue to symbolize their home city, which has shown flashes of brilliance in an otherwise tragic and possibly never-ending rebuilding process

The Dolphins are just really, really bad

LaDainian Tomlinson decides to focus his energy on the first two yards beyond the line of scrimmage this season

A 43-year-old man defeats the Arizona Cardinals

In his first start, Derek Anderson surprises everyone with a reminder that there is, in fact, a football team in Cleveland

The first-ever regular season overseas game between the Giants and Dolphins in London works out much better than the less-advertised Jaguars-Buccaneers game in Swaziland

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