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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NFL Playoff Picture

It's playoff time in the NFL, and we've condensed our expert analysis of each team's chances into a handy capsule form.

  • New England: Opponents may think they're not what they were when they were younger, but have they considered Tom Brady might get even more handsome with gray hair?
  • Baltimore: Aging middle linebacker Ray Lewis may have lost a step, but he's still a very important part of talking about the Ravens
  • Houston: Have a chance considering their opponents will see them and just assume it's a meaningless preseason game
  • Denver: They're at their best playing against terrible football teams, so they're hoping some of those made it to the playoffs
  • Pittsburgh: Neither a first-round exit nor a Super Bowl victory would be particularly surprising, especially because nothing really matters
  • Cincinnati: It’s going to be tough for Cincinnati's players to start the playoffs on the road, in a dome, and while on the same team as the other Bengals
  • Green Bay: If ever there was a team built for this year’s playoffs, it’s this team one year ago
  • San Francisco: With a lot of reliable, workmanlike players on offense, the Niners will go far into the first round before losing by 40 or 50 points
  • New Orleans: Drew Brees has so many passing options he may get overwhelmed and crumble from sheer option paralysis. Probably not, though
  • New York: In a strange turn of events, the Giants have actually improved their chances of winning by having Eli Manning on the field
  • Atlanta: Have to put their trust in the hands of rookie QB Matt Ryan, which still sounds right even though this is his fourth year
  • Detroit: Look for Jim Schwartz to set the tone for his inexperienced team by freaking out under pressure and screaming at somebody for no reason

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