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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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NFL Playoffs 2010

As the playoffs begin, Onion Sports offers an analysis of each team's chances to win it all.

NFC

  • Packers: Despite showing great resolve to make the playoffs, the Band-Aids and loose stitching holding the rest of the roster's appendages together can't last forever
  • Saints: Still the feel-good favorite, so given the way the world's been going lately, their plane will probably crash and kill them all pretty soon
  • Seahawks: Have the most potential, by definition
  • Eagles: The feel-good pick if you're a cat person
  • Bears: As a two seed, Chicago is granted the luxury of waiting an extra week to get embarrassed at home
  • Falcons: Have been a surprise all year, so prepare to be surprised again, depending on whether you expect them to win or lose

AFC

  • Jets: Yes, this team is in the playoffs
  • Ravens: Have everything you want in a playoff team, but not enough to keep you from just talking about The Wire for 90 percent of their game
  • Chiefs: A hardworking team that plays to its strengths, K.C. probably won't lose more than one game this postseason
  • Colts: Could come up with a few big wins if they're able to find a random man to put on a blue shirt and run toward the end zone
  • Steelers: Need to have more confidence in their running game, or at least lie and pretend they do
  • Patriots: …Sigh

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