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Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced ...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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NFL Playoffs 2010

As the playoffs begin, Onion Sports offers an analysis of each team's chances to win it all.

NFC

  • Packers: Despite showing great resolve to make the playoffs, the Band-Aids and loose stitching holding the rest of the roster's appendages together can't last forever
  • Saints: Still the feel-good favorite, so given the way the world's been going lately, their plane will probably crash and kill them all pretty soon
  • Seahawks: Have the most potential, by definition
  • Eagles: The feel-good pick if you're a cat person
  • Bears: As a two seed, Chicago is granted the luxury of waiting an extra week to get embarrassed at home
  • Falcons: Have been a surprise all year, so prepare to be surprised again, depending on whether you expect them to win or lose

AFC

  • Jets: Yes, this team is in the playoffs
  • Ravens: Have everything you want in a playoff team, but not enough to keep you from just talking about The Wire for 90 percent of their game
  • Chiefs: A hardworking team that plays to its strengths, K.C. probably won't lose more than one game this postseason
  • Colts: Could come up with a few big wins if they're able to find a random man to put on a blue shirt and run toward the end zone
  • Steelers: Need to have more confidence in their running game, or at least lie and pretend they do
  • Patriots: …Sigh
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