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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish

Jean Anne Whorton goes Beyond The Facts, talking to the high school sophomore who has become a conservative hero for refusing to learn his Spanish vocabulary.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NFL Week 10 Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the 10th week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Jacksonville Jaguars: With their first win in the bag, Jacksonville is only seven games out from the end of the season.
  • Seneca Wallace: Looked unstoppable in his first start as Packers quarterback, completing every single one of his pass attempts.
  • New York Giants: Oh God. This is not happening.

Losers

  • Rob Ryan: Fired by the Cowboys this past offseason, the Saints' defensive coordinator was humiliated in his first game against his old employer after his players only sacked Tony Romo three times.
  • Jacksonville Jaguars: Their first win of the season was somewhat cheapened by the clapping and cheers from the Tennessee Titans sideline.
  • Baltimore Ravens: Responded to their 3-5 start to the season just like the Super Bowl champions they technically are.

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