NFL Week 10 Winners And Losers

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Vol 49 Issue 46

Jack Palance Still Dead At 87

An alarming MRI shows that Peyton Manning has been dead for 6 months, the Mariana Trench is once again named the worst place to raise children, and a man smoking an e-cigarette must be a futuristic bounty hunter.

PlayStation 4 vs. Xbox One

Sony and Microsoft are launching their hotly anticipated next-generation video gaming consoles this month, with the PlayStation 4 going on sale on Nov.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Spring

NFL Week 10 Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the 10th week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Jacksonville Jaguars: With their first win in the bag, Jacksonville is only seven games out from the end of the season.
  • Seneca Wallace: Looked unstoppable in his first start as Packers quarterback, completing every single one of his pass attempts.
  • New York Giants: Oh God. This is not happening.

Losers

  • Rob Ryan: Fired by the Cowboys this past offseason, the Saints' defensive coordinator was humiliated in his first game against his old employer after his players only sacked Tony Romo three times.
  • Jacksonville Jaguars: Their first win of the season was somewhat cheapened by the clapping and cheers from the Tennessee Titans sideline.
  • Baltimore Ravens: Responded to their 3-5 start to the season just like the Super Bowl champions they technically are.
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