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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NFL Week 11 Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the 11th week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Denver Broncos: Improved to 9-1 after beating some shitty team
  • Matt Ryan: Has a job
  • Jacksonville Jaguars: Just six games left

Losers

  • Houston Texans: Are now another game closer to killing Gary Kubiak
  • Josh McCown: After his second victory in a row, the Bears’ backup QB is going to be replaced by Jay Cutler at some point
  • Kansas City Chiefs: Finally suffered their first of two losses against the Broncos this season

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