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NFL Week 11 Winners And Losers

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Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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NFL Week 11 Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the 11th week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Denver Broncos: Improved to 9-1 after beating some shitty team
  • Matt Ryan: Has a job
  • Jacksonville Jaguars: Just six games left

Losers

  • Houston Texans: Are now another game closer to killing Gary Kubiak
  • Josh McCown: After his second victory in a row, the Bears’ backup QB is going to be replaced by Jay Cutler at some point
  • Kansas City Chiefs: Finally suffered their first of two losses against the Broncos this season

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