NFL Week 11 Winners And Losers

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Vol 49 Issue 47

FCC May Allow Cell Phone Calls On Flights

The Federal Communications Commission is considering lifting the ban on cell phone calls on flights when the plane is above 10,000 feet, though calls would still be disallowed during takeoff and landing.
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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

NFL Week 11 Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the 11th week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Denver Broncos: Improved to 9-1 after beating some shitty team
  • Matt Ryan: Has a job
  • Jacksonville Jaguars: Just six games left

Losers

  • Houston Texans: Are now another game closer to killing Gary Kubiak
  • Josh McCown: After his second victory in a row, the Bears’ backup QB is going to be replaced by Jay Cutler at some point
  • Kansas City Chiefs: Finally suffered their first of two losses against the Broncos this season
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