NFL Week Eight Winners And Losers

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Vol 49 Issue 44

FAA Allows Use Of Electronics Throughout Flights

The Federal Aviation Administration announced that airline passengers will now be able to use certain electronic devices, such as e-readers and video gaming devices, throughout an entire flight, though cell phone calls remain prohibited.
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NFL Week Eight Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the eighth week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Eli Manning: With zero TDs and a middling QB rating, the Giants signal caller had his best game of the season
  • Cincinnati Bengals: A 49-9 blowout victory over the Jets has probably convinced a few total dipshits that this team is a Super Bowl contender
  • The NFL: With a quarter of the league on byes, this was the safest week on record

Losers

  • Dez Bryant: His sideline tantrum broadcast on national television might start giving people the idea that he’s a complete asshole
  • Detroit Lions: With Matthew Stafford’s late-game heroics and a historic game from Calvin Johnson, the Lions eked out a win against an NFC East team
  • Cincinnati Bengals: Embarrassed themselves on national television by allowing the Jets to put up nine points
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