NFL Week Five Winners And Losers

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Vol 49 Issue 41

October 19

There will be a 10K charity run for lupus research Saturday, so if someone hits you up for a donation in the next couple of days, it’s legit.

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Intern Strikes Up Friendship With Least-Respected Employee

DENVER—After starting at the company just three weeks ago, 22-year-old Wenger Marketing intern Allison Bennett told reporters Thursday that she has already befriended 36-year-old digital content coordinator Mike Fryer, the least-respected employee i...
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NFL Week Five Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the fifth week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Denver Broncos: While unofficial polls suggest they beat the Cowboys, officials are still waiting for the last few points to trickle in before declaring a winner
  • Philadelphia Eagles: At 2-3, Philadelphia looks poised to run away with the NFC East
  • Pittsburgh Steelers: Finally managed to snap their four-week losing streak

Losers

  • Dallas Cowboys: The reeling Cowboys have plummeted to the top of the NFC East standings
  • Kansas City Chiefs: The grim specter of unreasonable expectations continues to hang over the 5-0 Chiefs
  • Tony Romo: The perennial choke artist blew it again with a disgraceful 506-yard, 5-TD performance
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