adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

NFL Week Nine Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the ninth week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Nick Foles: Showed what he is capable of doing when playing the Raiders
  • Tony Romo: The Cowboys’ signal caller ended Sunday’s game against the Vikings in typical Romo fashion, except with the football landing in the hands of a teammate
  • Dez Bryant: Learned a lot from observing the Vikings receivers’ modest, sullen demeanor

Losers

  • Gary Kubiak: Suffered one of the 20 or 30 worst medical scares the NFL saw yesterday
  • Pittsburgh Steelers: The Steelers are embracing their new identity
  • Nick Foles: Wasted the best game of his life against the Raiders

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close