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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NFL Week One Winners And Losers

With the first Sunday of the NFL season in the books, Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from week one:

Winners

  • Bills: Buffalo proved they can go toe-to-toe with the NFL’s best for a full 57 minutes
  • Turnovers: The classic change-of-possession plays made a huge splash in their high-profile Sunday night appearance
  • Titans’ defense: Racked up an impressive eight safeties in a 16-9 victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers, who managed just three safeties and a field goal

Losers

  • Packers: They lost
  • Geno Smith: While he wasn’t spectacular, he also didn’t make any horrendous mistakes, calling into question whether he fits as the Jets’ QB
  • Jaguars: After getting routed by Kansas City, the Jaguars should remember that this was only one game, the first game, the game that revealed beyond a doubt how bad they are

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