NFL Week Seven Winners And Losers

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Vol 49 Issue 43

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The Walking Dead

AMC 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT In the eagerly anticipated conclusion to last season’s heart-stopping cliffhanger, an obscured shape staggering toward the characters in the midst of an orchestral swell turns out to be a zombie.

Kim Jong-Un Receives Honorary Doctorate

A university in Malaysia conferred an honorary doctorate in economics on North Korea’s dictator Kim Jong-un, saying that the 30-year-old leader “makes untiring efforts for the education of the country and the well-being of its people.” W...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Eating

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

NFL Week Seven Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the seventh week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • New York Jets: Lived up to expectations that officials would just hand them another bullshit victory
  • Minnesota Vikings/New York Giants: Both teams can rest easy knowing that very few people will witness whatever they are about to do tonight
  • Robert Griffin III: In a 45-41 win over the Bears, RGIII gave the type of vintage performance that got him seriously injured last season

Losers

  • Chicago Bears: Somehow managed to lose despite Jay Cutler leaving in the second quarter with a groin injury
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers: With running back Doug Martin having left Sunday’s game with a shoulder injury, Tampa’s season may be shot
  • Peyton Manning: After six respectable weeks, the Broncos play caller showed Sunday night that he’s just another Manning loser
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