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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NFL Week Seven Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the seventh week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • New York Jets: Lived up to expectations that officials would just hand them another bullshit victory
  • Minnesota Vikings/New York Giants: Both teams can rest easy knowing that very few people will witness whatever they are about to do tonight
  • Robert Griffin III: In a 45-41 win over the Bears, RGIII gave the type of vintage performance that got him seriously injured last season

Losers

  • Chicago Bears: Somehow managed to lose despite Jay Cutler leaving in the second quarter with a groin injury
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers: With running back Doug Martin having left Sunday’s game with a shoulder injury, Tampa’s season may be shot
  • Peyton Manning: After six respectable weeks, the Broncos play caller showed Sunday night that he’s just another Manning loser

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