NFL Week Six Winners And Losers

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Vol 49 Issue 42

Onion Sports’ NFL Week Seven Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week seven games: Seahawks at Cardinals OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Cardinals – Backup quarterback Drew Stanton will lead...

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A man reportedly attacked Michael Bay on the set of Transformers 4 in Hong Kong by swinging an air conditioning unit at Bay’s head, though the director was able to avoid serious injury by ducking and then wrestling the appliance away from his...

Johnson & Johnson Introduces New Leave-In Q-Tips

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God Reveals He Occasionally Eats Humans

THE HEAVENS—Speaking candidly during a rare interview this Thursday, God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, revealed to the public that He occasionally eats human beings. The Supreme Being, who spoke to reporters today about His dietary habits,...
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NFL Week Six Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the sixth week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Brandon Weeden: Inaugurated Cleveland’s second Brandon Weeden era in style
  • Houston Texans: Houston rebounded from last week’s blowout loss with a slightly more competitive loss
  • Pittsburgh Steelers: A win over the Jets kept their slim hopes for a 2-14 season alive

Losers

  • Washington Redskins: The ’Skins were slaughtered by the Cowboys faster than an antelope facing an Apache tomahawk—Geronimo!
  • T.J. Yates: Came in for an injured Matt Schaub and gave Texans fans the performance they’ve truly been asking for
  • Houston Jumbotron operator: Drew ire for flashing the words “make some noise” on screen in response to quarterback Matt Schaub’s game-ending injury
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