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NFL Week Three Winners And Losers

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Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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NFL Week Three Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the third week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Josh Gordon: Showed versatility, catching five passes while also snagging two and hauling in a further three
  • Cleveland Browns: In Brian Hoyer, the Browns may well have found their next stopgap at quarterback
  • Green Bay Packers: Didn’t catch the end, but presumably they just ran the clock out running the ball for the last four minutes

Losers

  • Washington Redskins: Fans can rest easy knowing Robert Griffin III’s knee is not their team’s main problem
  • New York Giants: After an early scare, the Giants suffered a mid-game scare, a late scare, and a decisive, blowout loss
  • Aldon Smith: The 49ers linebacker surely has a lot to think about following San Francisco’s 1-2 start

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