adBlockCheck

NFL Week Two Winners And Losers

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Satisfaction

Surprises

  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

NFL Week Two Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the second week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Archie Manning: Following another dominant Denver Broncos performance, the retired Pro Bowler has every reason to be proud of his son
  • Greg Schiano: Showed cunning and tenacity as he expertly picked apart starting quarterback Josh Freeman’s confidence
  • NFC East Teams: By NFL regulations, one of these teams must make the playoffs

Losers

  • Jacksonville Jaguars: Suffered a hard-fought loss against the Raiders, despite putting up nearly 10 points
  • Cleveland Browns: Following their game against the Ravens, the Browns returned to Cleveland
  • Joe Flacco: Missed the birth of his child for a football game. He is an awful husband and an awful father.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close