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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NFL Week Two Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the second week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Archie Manning: Following another dominant Denver Broncos performance, the retired Pro Bowler has every reason to be proud of his son
  • Greg Schiano: Showed cunning and tenacity as he expertly picked apart starting quarterback Josh Freeman’s confidence
  • NFC East Teams: By NFL regulations, one of these teams must make the playoffs

Losers

  • Jacksonville Jaguars: Suffered a hard-fought loss against the Raiders, despite putting up nearly 10 points
  • Cleveland Browns: Following their game against the Ravens, the Browns returned to Cleveland
  • Joe Flacco: Missed the birth of his child for a football game. He is an awful husband and an awful father.

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