NFL’s Top 10 Linebackers

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 35

Tough Season - Preview

Tough Season returns with a gritty, hard-hitting look inside the fantasy football locker room of Brad’s Awesome Team.

The Case For And Against Intervening In Syria

While the Obama administration has been considering an armed intervention in Syria following the gassing deaths of hundreds of Syrian civilians, a vocal movement in Congress and among the general public has emerged in opposition of any U.S.

Courtroom Artist Clearly Infatuated With Bailiff

The Syria conflict intensifies as bears enter the war, a report shows that millions of courageous Americans are overcoming the media pressure to be thin, and the nation’s single men announce a plan to change their bedsheets by 2019.

50% Of Americans Oppose Intervention In Syria

According to an NBC poll, 50 percent of Americans oppose the use of military force against Syria in the wake of a purported chemical weapons attack by the government of Bashar al-Assad, compared to 42 percent who support military action.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Partying

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

NFL’s Top 10 Linebackers

With football training camps underway, Onion Sports is preparing fans for the upcoming 2013 NFL season by ranking players at every position. Here's a helpful guide to the league’s best linebackers.

10. Luke Kuechly: Look, it’s not his fault he’s on the fucking Panthers

9. Daryl Washington: Though his arrest for aggravated assault one month after receiving a substance abuse–related suspension caused concerns, the linebacker has taken full responsibility for his actions, so that should be the end of that

8. Tamba Hali: Kansas City Chiefs linebacker displays outstanding effort and intensity while relentlessly pursuing a trade to a better team

7. James Harrison: After being released by the Steelers, the 35-year-old Bengals linebacker will be eager to prove that he’s still capable of knocking opposing players unconscious with the crown of his helmet

6. Terrell Suggs: Only playing professional football to fulfill a condition in his father’s will to get access to the Suggs family fortune

5. DeMarcus Ware: Ware possesses the quick feet and dynamic playmaking abilities necessary to keep the Cowboys within a couple of scores at a moment’s notice

4. Clay Matthews: If Matthews continues to perform at a high level, Packers fans can expect him to pick up a healthy portion of the sacks offered by Jay Cutler this season

3. Von Miller: After losing pass rusher Elvis Dumervil to Baltimore this offseason, the Broncos should just be thankful that a fit and ready Miller will be good to go for the season opener against the Ravens

2. Aldon Smith: Knew he wanted to be a linebacker ever since he first picked up a quarterback at age 5

1. Patrick Willis: The 49ers middle linebacker seems to take great pride in wrestling large, sweaty men carrying a ball to the ground, which is kind of weird

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More