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NFL's Top 2013 Free Agents

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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NFL's Top 2013 Free Agents

With the NFL free agency period starting on March 12, teams are expected to once again dole out huge contracts. Onion Sports examines the best available players.

  • Mike Wallace: The speedy wide receiver would like to sign with a new team just to avoid the unfortunate distinction of being Ben Roethlisberger’s favorite target.
  • Reggie Bush: Fresh off his Heisman Trophy–winning season at USC, all 32 teams in 2006 would be thrilled to harness the limitless potential of this star running back
  • Aqib Talib: This corner is likely headed to the Eagles, Giants, or Redskins, as he has expressed much interest in catching passes from Tony Romo
  • Kregg Lumpkin: Another offseason, and, as usual, Kregg Lumpkin’s name is on every GM’s tongue
  • Donnie Jones: He’s a punter—can always use one of those
  • Greg Jennings: The Packers wide receiver seems all but certain to hurt himself for somebody else next year
  • Joe Flacco: Shined in the playoffs, making him a hot commodity to anybody that willfully ignores how mediocre he has been his entire career
  • Wes Welker: Jesus Christ, little guy managed to sneak his way right into this feature, didn’t he? Ugh, likely to re-sign with New England
  • Ryan Clady: The heralded offensive lineman is likely to stay in Denver, considering the majority of his mass is caused by severe altitude-related swelling
  • Chad Johnson: Wide receiver is the perfect fit for any franchise in pursuit of the first overall draft pick in 2014
  • Steve Smith: Don’t get too excited, it’s the shitty one

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