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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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NFL's Worst-Ever Blown Calls

Ed Hochuli's premature whistle last Sunday probably cost the Chargers a win over the Broncos, but it wasn't the worst call ever. Onion Sports runs down some of the worst officiating the NFL has ever seen:

1982: Though Joe Montana hits Dwight Clark in the end zone to win the NFC Championship game, referees miss that Clark is simply a fan dressed in a football uniform who ran on the field, not a player on the 49ers roster

1988-1999: Michael Irvin not flagged for offensive pass interference—not even once, for Christ's sake

1992: A skeptical officiating team calls a last-second 59-yard Steve Christie field goal attempt "no good" before the ball is even snapped

1998: Despite running for negative yardage on six plays and throwing for 11 incomplete passes, the Bengals make 29 first downs on a game-opening drive because rookie ref Ron Winter does not know how to signal anything else

2000: The famed Music City Miracle occurs when referees cite little-known rule 14.6c, which states that with 14 seconds left at the end of an AFC wild card game, a player may attempt a forward lateral if he is Frank Wycheck

2004: Thinking that he's pulling the flag from his back pocket, Jeff Triplette rips out his underpants and throws them at Chad Johnson for celebrating in the end zone

2005: Peyton Manning fails to inform referees that Patriots linebacker Teddy Bruschi was offsides

2006: During Super Bowl XL, referees take a touchdown away from the Seahawks' Darrell Jackson for offensive pass interference, instead awarding it to the Steelers' Jerome Bettis for long and faithful service

2007: When Terrell Owens dunks the football over the goalpost crossbar after a touchdown, impressed referee Bill Leavy awards the Cowboys two points

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