adBlockCheck

Recent News

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
End Of Section
  • More News

North Korean Relations May Be Thawing

Last week, North Korea announced it would suspend nuclear weapons tests and uranium enrichment in exchange for food aid, possibly signaling a desire for renewed negotiations with the United States. Here are some other ways relations will improve:

  • American children will stop being taught that Kim Jong-un is descended from a long line of evil dragons
  • North Korea to return an American Frisbee accidentally thrown across the Demilitarized Zone in 1962
  • Harlem Globetrotters will establish permanent Goodwill Outpost
  • David Lee Roth to sing one song on North Korean Van Halen's new album
  • United States will supply North Korea with four diesel generators to keep the nation's electrical grid on at night
  • 10 percent reduction in size of missiles shown pointing at United States in propaganda posters
  • U.S. film critics to be less generous regarding future trilogies by South Korean cult-thriller director Park Chan-wook
  • In his next speech, Obama promises to call South Koreans a bunch of pussies for not even trying to build a nuclear weapon themselves

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close