adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
End Of Section
  • More News

Notable Celebrity Breakups

Here are some notable Hollywood breakups in recent years:

  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: In 2012, the highly publicized relationship ended in divorce, which the couple decided to handle amicably for the sake of their thetans
  • Emma Watson and Christopher Lloyd: A longtime poster couple for stable celebrity marriages, fans were shocked when the pair suddenly called it quits in late 2013
  • Heidi Klum and Seal: Klum told tabloids she could no longer handle Seal’s constant, rage-filled outbursts over how in a world full of people only some want to fly
  • Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson: Just give it some time—the cracks are beginning to show
  • Hellboy and Selma Blair: The 41-year-old actress’s touching love affair with the red-skinned demon-hero was captured in the documentaries Hellboy and Hellboy II: The Golden Army, though the pair have not been seen together in public since 2008
  • Robert Blake and Bonny Lee Bakley: The former Baretta star ended his marriage in 2001
  • Steven Spielberg and E.T.: Resulting in one of Hollywood’s most expensive divorces, the famed director was unable to sustain his steamy on-set romance in the months after shooting wrapped
  • Vivica A. Fox and Me: Best known for her roles in Kill Bill and Independence Day, the stunning 49-year-old actress rocked the news-infographic writer community when she chose to abandon me and the life we had built in Indianapolis for a more glamorous one in Hollywood
  • Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams: They just wanted to date other people. Get a fucking life.
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close