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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Notable Choke Jobs

The stunning upset is all well and good, but the disastrous collapse under pressure is just as big a part of sports. Some of the most notable:

1908: The Chicago Cubs completely blow their whole "lovable loser" identity by winning the World Series

1964: In their last 12 games, the Phillies squander a 6.5 game lead, a choke job so famous you're only hearing about it for the first time right now

1989: Shamu completely botches his 4:35 p.m. show

1992: Considered the heavy favorite to win gold in the decathlon, Dan O'Brien fails to even qualify for the Olympics after he forgets his discus, pole vault, and javelin at home

1992: After holding a 32-point lead, the Houston Oilers are just barely able to out-choke the Buffalo Bills

1993: In their only Family Feud appearance together, Michigan's Fab Five lose to the Robertson family because of Chris Webber's boneheaded move to use Jalen Rose's answer "bowl" for "Things You Pack for a Trip"

2008: The New England Patriots fail to win the Super Bowl after going 16-0 in the regular season; let's just take a second to remember how great that was

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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