adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
End Of Section
  • More News

Notable Individuals’ 2014 New Year’s Resolutions

With the new year now upon us, people throughout the world are taking this opportunity to make personal resolutions for the year ahead. Here are some notable figures’ resolutions for 2014:

  • James Taylor: Learn the words to “Mexico”
  • Megan Fox: Stop imagining Cleveland-area man Roger Klimpton while having sex with husband
  • Roger Federer: Practice tennis every day
  • Nelson Mandela: Begin new life as retiree Bruno Varner in Waterloo, IA
  • George Zimmerman: Travel
  • Floyd Mayweather: Do more pro bono fighting
  • Jared Fogle: Eat 1,095 Subway subs, like every year
  • Thomas J. Falk, CEO of Kimberly-Clark: Build a stronger social media presence for Huggies and Kotex feminine care products on Facebook and Tumblr. Triple the number of Twitter followers for @Kleenex. Position Scott toilet paper as the hip, sensible brand choice of today’s 25-39 demographic.
  • Mark Gendleman of Sioux City, IA: Resolved for 12th straight year to win Jessica back
  • Charles Manson: Look inside each thought and see the fire. The thoughts are everywhere. Deep inside each thought until the fire comes off—poof—right there in your hand.
  • Vladimir Putin: Initiate Protocol 14
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close