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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Notable Indy 500 Crashes

1911: At the very first Indy 500, race officials quickly realize all cars should drive in the same direction

1967: A.J. Foyt deftly maneuvers through a multiple-car crash, avoiding the burning wreckage while still running over competitors' bodies

1970: Though it seems Jerry Fetterman is able to walk away from his accident unscathed, it quickly becomes apparent that Fetterman's soul was actually stepping out of his body

1978: In perhaps the least devastating crash in Indy history, Tom Bagley's car just kind of falls over on its side

1985: Before entering their cars, Tom Sneva and Rich Vogler accidentally bump into each other and burst into flames

1991: In what many believe to be an act of sabotage, Buddy Lazier's car explodes as soon as he turns the key in the ignition

1995: After finishing 490 miles, flamboyant driver Jacques Villeneuve goes into a spiraling end-over-end crash for the final four laps to win the race

2007: Dario Franchitti wins an unusually wet 500, and the sight of his wife Ashley Judd jumping for joy in a skimpy rain-soaked sundress causes many viewers to have a little accident

2007: Model/actress/rookie driver Milka Duno hits the wall in the first turn after realizing nobody taught her how to steer

2009: Vitor Meira angers the rest of the field when shards of his spine fly all over the track, cutting the tires on several cars

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