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Notable NFL Free Agents

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Notable NFL Free Agents

The 2012 NFL schedule has begun with a frantic flurry of free-agent signings, and Onion Sports runs down the best players available.

  • Mario Williams: Signed with the Bills after other teams were unable to clear enough cap room to sign both him and his pectoral muscles
  • Matt Flynn: Studied under Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers; has also become fully versed in Microsoft Excel and Photoshop in an effort to make himself even more marketable
  • Kyle Orton: Signed with the Cowboys; at least five other GMs had his name on their lists but were successfully able to avoid looking at it
  • Luis Castillo: A bit undersized at 5-foot-11, 190 pounds, and a bit mismatched to modern NFL schemes as a switch-hitting second baseman, Luis Castillo is probably not that Luis Castillo on second thought
  • Plaxico Burress: Might be useful to some team in need of a good No. 3 receiver or No. 1 distraction
  • Mario Manningham: Jaguars interested in him just so they can ask what it was like to play in a Super Bowl
  • Curtis Lofton: Has been called a tackling machine, which hardly seems like a legal device to use on field
  • Tiki Barber: Needs money very, very badly

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