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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Notable NFL Roster Cuts

As NFL teams finalize their rosters in preparation for the 2007 season, Onion Sports lists the most notable cuts:

Larry Johnson: Coach Herm Edwards considered Johnson to be somewhat of a ball-hog

Ahman Green: With his ability to rack up a ton of offensive yards, score touchdowns, and be a game-changing player, Green was cut from the Texans for not really understanding the team concept

Leon Joe: Honestly, this Bears linebacker just smelled really, really bad

Rex Tucker, Lions: Well, the Lions had to cut someone, right? And if the cruel cosmic wheel of fate had to land on Rex Tucker, then who are we to look for a reason?

Blitz: The Seahawks anthropomorphic bird mascot showed up to camp 50 pounds overweight and with his mask on backwards

Joe Porter: Saints cut the cornerback after implementing a new defensive scheme in which no one covers the wide receivers

Drew Henson: The Vikings announced it was part of their plan all along to cut Henson, as that is the only thing he has ever known

Kevan Barlow: New Steelers coach Mike Tomlin sent a clear message to the rest of his team by cutting the veteran Barlow and then beating him up a little after that

Randall Cunningham: Sheepish Eagles later released statement saying they had no idea how this Hall of Fame great snuck into camp

MacKenzie Hoambrecker: Not a bad kicker, but the 49ers only allow one player with a silly name; already had Tully Banta-Cain 

Sean Mulcahy: This tight end was a hard worker, a team player, and a great locker-room presence that didn't deserve the stigma of being a Bengal

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