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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Notable Quarterback Controversies

Competition for starting jobs is heating up across the NFL, as is the potential for a quarterback controversy. Onion Sports takes a look at the greatest QB squabbles of all time:

  • 1973: Chuck Noll calls Terry Bradshaw and Joe Gilliam into his study to dramatically accuse Bradshaw of murder
  • 1989: Although Steve Young correctly guesses the number George Seifert is thinking of, Seifert still goes with Joe Montana
  • 1993: Redskins fans are up in arms as head coach Petitbon chooses the washed-up Mark Rypien over the Mark Rypien that won the Super Bowl
  • 1994: With his arch-nemesis holding Dave Brown and Kent Graham over a cliff, Giants coach Dan Reeves makes the most difficult decision of his life and lets them both go
  • 1997: Though Rich Gannon proves himself to be a strong leader, Marty Schottenheimer chooses Elvis Grbac because Rich Gannon doesn't have any arms
  • 2006: The Chargers award Philip Rivers the starting role when Drew Brees receives a lot more money to play somewhere else
  • 2007: After much deliberation and prayer, Tony Dungy once again goes with Peyton Manning at QB
  • 2009: Rules for the Derek Anderson–Brady Quinn quarterback competition don't stipulate that the loser will be executed on the 50-yard after the final preseason game

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