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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Notable Quarterback Controversies

Competition for starting jobs is heating up across the NFL, as is the potential for a quarterback controversy. Onion Sports takes a look at the greatest QB squabbles of all time:

  • 1973: Chuck Noll calls Terry Bradshaw and Joe Gilliam into his study to dramatically accuse Bradshaw of murder
  • 1989: Although Steve Young correctly guesses the number George Seifert is thinking of, Seifert still goes with Joe Montana
  • 1993: Redskins fans are up in arms as head coach Petitbon chooses the washed-up Mark Rypien over the Mark Rypien that won the Super Bowl
  • 1994: With his arch-nemesis holding Dave Brown and Kent Graham over a cliff, Giants coach Dan Reeves makes the most difficult decision of his life and lets them both go
  • 1997: Though Rich Gannon proves himself to be a strong leader, Marty Schottenheimer chooses Elvis Grbac because Rich Gannon doesn't have any arms
  • 2006: The Chargers award Philip Rivers the starting role when Drew Brees receives a lot more money to play somewhere else
  • 2007: After much deliberation and prayer, Tony Dungy once again goes with Peyton Manning at QB
  • 2009: Rules for the Derek Anderson–Brady Quinn quarterback competition don't stipulate that the loser will be executed on the 50-yard after the final preseason game

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