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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Notable Siblings In Sports

In honor of Kurt and Kyle Busch winning back-to-back NASCAR races, we look at other sporting brothers and sisters:

The Boones: Second baseman Bret and third baseman Aaron made major league history by becoming the first set of brothers to get their tips frosted at the same time

The Grants: Harvey was never able to make much of an impact in the NBA, despite wearing goggles ten times larger than those of his brother Horace

The Gramaticas: The fact that two of the 32 NFL placekicking jobs were held by brothers Martin and Bill would be fairly impressive if placekicking were an impressive skill

The Johnsons: Though they have yet to realize it, pitcher Randy Johnson and running back Larry Johnson remain one of the most talented brother tandems in sports

The Sharpes: Shannon and Sterling made a name for themselves in the NFL as the brother tandem whom everyone most wished would shut up

The Millers: In addition to a storied 17-year career, guard Reggie Miller also won two NCAA titles and an Olympic gold medal dressed as his "sister" Cheryl

The Ripkens: Billy Ripken holds the record for most consecutive games watching his brother while grinding his teeth with jealousy

The Williamses: Serena and Venus and oh, sweet Jesus, those thighs

The Schumachers: Seven-time Formula One champion Michael may be the best racing driver the world has ever seen; in a nod to their German love of symmetry, his brother Ralf is one of the worst

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