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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Notable Sports Collapses

Rory McIlroy went into the final round of the Masters with a four-stroke lead, but shot eight over on the last 18 holes, flailing uselessly all day. Add his meltdown to this list of all-time great collapses:

  • Kobe Bryant: During a 2006 regular-season game, Bryant only manages to score 81 points against the Toronto Raptors
  • Nick Anderson: In the 1995 NBA Finals, with his team up by three points, the Magic's Anderson misses four consecutive free throws, changing his status from guaranteed non-Hall-of-Famer to surefire non-Hall-of-Famer
  • Jay Haas: During the final hole of the 1996 Ryder Cup, Haas crumbles under the pressure, driving the ball a weak 120 yards when all he needed to do was to tap in a two-foot putt
  • Tiger Woods: After a promising start to his career at age 2, Woods eventually falls apart in a series of bad shots, knee injuries, and terrible life decisions
  • Mike Tyson: Though heavily favored in his 1990 match against Buster Douglas, the undefeated Tyson knocks himself out with an uppercut in the 10th round
  • Ben Crenshaw: After failing to put the right sleeve around Nick Faldo's arm at the 1996 Masters, Crenshaw completely falls apart and drops the green jacket on the floor before running out of the ceremony crying
  • 1985 Baltimore Stars: Led the USFL title game with just three minutes left on the clock when the league suddenly folded
  • Wheaties Box: No one really cares who's on the goddamn thing anymore

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