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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Notable Sports Contracts

With Alex Rodriguez once again making headlines with a new contract, Onion Sports looks at the long and fascinating history of the intersection of sports and money:

1904: Honus Wagner becomes the highest-paid player in baseball history, signing a contract worth $21 per week, 45 acres of corn, and 12 pigs

1980: Hundreds of NFL players sign contracts that, in terms of healthcare, will screw them over in about 20 years

1995: Kevin Garnett re-signs with the Timberwolves for $126 million, although his contract is worth an additional $50 million if he can think up five to six additional incentives

1999: In one of the most ill-fated contracts of all-time, the Dodgers sign pitcher Kevin Brown to a 142-year, $650 billion contract

2001: Patriots promise Drew Bledsoe $103 million if he agrees to stay out of their way while they try to get to the Super Bowl

2002: Scott Boras convinces the Dodgers to give Darren Dreifort a five-year, $55 million contract despite the fact that Dreifort had lost his right arm in a thresher the night before

2003: Jason Kidd signs a six-year, $103,572,861 contract with the Nets; he chooses this specific amount because 103,572,861 is his lucky number

2004: Impressed by his hustle and head for the game, Green Bay Packers sign cornerback Mike McKenzie's agent, Drew Rosenhaus, to play cornerback

2007: Included in David Beckham's $250 million contract is a an ultimatum clause, which states that he must choose to either save American soccer or destroy it forever

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