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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Notable Sports Suspensions

With the MLB suspending Brewers left fielder Ryan Braun 65 games for violating the league's drug policy, Onion Sports takes a look at some of the most significant punishments in the history of athletics.

  • 1881: Buttercup Dickerson of the Worcester Ruby Legs is suspended 40 games "for frequenting Saloons, Gambling Halls, and Dens of Iniquity; and generally evincing a Poor Moral Character not befitting a Worcester Man"
  • 1964-1992: South Africa is banned from the Olympics for refusing to exploit its young black athletes for a multibillion-dollar amateur sporting event the same way it does its other young athletes
  • 1978: Woody Hayes suspended for punching a Clemson linebacker in the face, beginning football's disturbing trend of bowing to proponents of player safety
  • 1987: Al Davis suspended by the NFL for his role in the Iran-Contra affair
  • 1989: Pete Rose banned from hot action for life
  • 2004: Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams is suspended four games and receives a $650,000 fine for something that was not assaulting an exotic dancer, having sex with an underage prostitute, attempting to have the judge presiding over his drug trafficking trial killed, operating a vicious dog fighting ring, shooting his pregnant girlfriend to death, or drunkenly running over a guy with his car
  • 2005: On his first day back since the infamous brawl that resulted in his ban for the majority of the previous NBA season, Indiana Pacers forward Ron Artest is immediately hit with another season-long suspension after returning to the stands to continue the fight
  • 2009: Manny Ramirez gets 50 games despite buying clean urine from a guy and drinking it
  • 2010: Washington Wizards star Gilbert Arenas receives an indefinite suspension after violating the NBA’s strict policy against storing more than four unloaded firearms in a team locker room
  • 2011: Ndamukong Suh is suspended after breaking the obscure NFL regulation that prohibits stomping on the head of a defenseless player after the play is over
  • 2013: Star Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez is given a lifetime ban from Major League Baseball, ending his career in total disgrace and leaving his life a tattered mess
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