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Notable Trade Deadline Deals

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Notable Trade Deadline Deals

Carmelo Anthony just became a New York Knick mere days before the NBA trade deadline, an event that joins these other blockbuster under-the-wire deals.

  • 1989: The Knicks acquire Kiki Vandeweghe from Portland in exchange for a first round draft bust
  • 1989: The Dallas Cowboys send Herschel Walker to the Minnesota Vikings; in return the Cowboys get the 1990s
  • 1996: The Detroit Red Wings traded a defenseman who was not Wayne Gretzky to the Edmonton Oilers for a right winger who was also not Wayne Gretzky
  • 1999: In a three-way deal, the Timberwolves receive Brian Evans, draft picks, and Sam Cassell; the Nets receive Stephon Marbury and Sam Cassell; and the Bucks land three different Sam Cassells
  • 2001: The Washington Wizards send Juwan Howard, Calvin Booth, and Obinna Ekezie to Dallas for Courtney Alexander, Hubert Davis, Etan Thomas, Loy Vaught, and a player to be named Laettner
  • 2001: The Atlanta Hawks receive Toni Kukoc in what is honestly, and depressingly, their biggest deadline deal in team history
  • 2002: The Montreal Expos trade away Grady Sizemore, Cliff Lee, Brandon Phillips, 15 other players, and tons of equipment in an effort to clean house and quit baseball altogether
  • 2003: The Sonics trade Gary Payton in exchange for an overall sense of relief for having gotten rid of Gary Payton

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