Notable Trade Deadline Deals

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Vol 47 Issue 08

CynGen Press Release

CynGen released this statement in response to public outcry over a screaming cob of genetically modified corn.

U-Say Responses To Tillis' Resignation

Our inbox has been flooded with emails of support for Tillis following his decision to step down. "God bless you,Tillis. Best of luck in all your drinking." --Jacob E., Franklin, KY "My friends and I will pour a bottle of gin on the sidew...

Upcoming SIURT Reports

Don't miss these upcoming reports by the Onion News Network Special Investigative Undercover Response Team: We all assume there are precautions in place to prevent restaurant employees from masturbating into our food, but is this actually the case? SIURT ...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Spring

Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Notable Trade Deadline Deals

Carmelo Anthony just became a New York Knick mere days before the NBA trade deadline, an event that joins these other blockbuster under-the-wire deals.

  • 1989: The Knicks acquire Kiki Vandeweghe from Portland in exchange for a first round draft bust
  • 1989: The Dallas Cowboys send Herschel Walker to the Minnesota Vikings; in return the Cowboys get the 1990s
  • 1996: The Detroit Red Wings traded a defenseman who was not Wayne Gretzky to the Edmonton Oilers for a right winger who was also not Wayne Gretzky
  • 1999: In a three-way deal, the Timberwolves receive Brian Evans, draft picks, and Sam Cassell; the Nets receive Stephon Marbury and Sam Cassell; and the Bucks land three different Sam Cassells
  • 2001: The Washington Wizards send Juwan Howard, Calvin Booth, and Obinna Ekezie to Dallas for Courtney Alexander, Hubert Davis, Etan Thomas, Loy Vaught, and a player to be named Laettner
  • 2001: The Atlanta Hawks receive Toni Kukoc in what is honestly, and depressingly, their biggest deadline deal in team history
  • 2002: The Montreal Expos trade away Grady Sizemore, Cliff Lee, Brandon Phillips, 15 other players, and tons of equipment in an effort to clean house and quit baseball altogether
  • 2003: The Sonics trade Gary Payton in exchange for an overall sense of relief for having gotten rid of Gary Payton
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