adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Obama Addresses U.N.

Last week, President Barack Obama addressed the U.N. General Assembly. Here are some of the highlights of his speech:

  • "Who are you, and what are you doing in my country?"
  • "A special thank-you to Dominic's on 32nd for providing this 5-foot party sub and 2-liter of Dr. Brown's Black Cherry soda for us all to enjoy."
  • "The American dollar is strong and—please, stop laughing."
  • "Now is a time when we must do something about some problem, perhaps by working with others."
  • "All of us, not just he United States, must share in the fun together."
  • "If Iran continues to pursue nuclear weapons, then it will have to face blank and blank. Oh shoot, I forgot to fill those in."
  • "A dark blue 2009 Escalade bearing diplomatic plates and triple-parked on 1st Avenue has left its headlights on."
  • "I'm going to stop speaking now because I, like all of you, want to hear the crazy shit Qaddafi says."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close