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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Obama Stumping Jobs Bill

Since announcing his American Jobs Act in a speech before Congress this month, President Obama has been traveling the country to promote the plan. Here are some of the bill's provisions:

  • National television spots featuring a culturally diverse cross-section of old men yelling at viewers to get a job
  • Will.i.am to record inspirational theme song for company with strongest quarterly hiring stats
  • President Obama will choose one business regulation to eliminate each week by picking a numbered ball out of a basket
  • Tax incentives for contractors who do shoddy work that will have to be repaired in a few years
  • Extends unemployment benefits through 2016 in hopes that next administration can figure out how to make jobs
  • Every company that hires a veteran receives a complimentary signed photo of Secretary of Veterans Affairs Eric Shinseki
  • $21 haircut tax credit for anyone with an upcoming job interview
  • 308 pages in which a manic Obama simply typed "Pass this bill, right now" countless times in various typographic permutations

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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