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Politics

Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Along with his consistently poor performance at work and his general lack of common, everyday life skills, local man Corey White told reporters Thursday that he can't even do a good job at sleeping.

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Obama's College Apartment On The Market

The New York apartment President Barack Obama inhabited while he was a student at Columbia University is available for rent at $1,900 a month. Here are some other pieces of Obama's past you can buy or rent:

  • Box of Playboy magazines filled with notes in the articles' margins—$125
  • Bar napkin on which he plotted out his entire presidency—$340
  • Garter belts from Rocky Horror Frank-N-Furter costume—$3,000
  • First mix tape ever made by Barack, featuring Kool and the Gang, James Taylor—$55,000
  • Hastily scribbled list of pros and cons of dating Michelle Obama—$300,000
  • Birthday card from Weather Underground—$125,000
  • First draft of his iconic 2008 campaign poster bearing the phrase "Positive Expectation" instead of "Hope"—$25,000
  • Complete set of Treasury bonds he created in 2009—$1.4 trillion

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