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Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

What To Expect From James Comey’s Book

Former FBI director James Comey is writing a book due out next spring about leadership, decision-making, and his time at the FBI. Here’s what to look for when the book is released.
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Obama's Minister's Outrageous Comments

Reverend Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr., the former pastor of presidential candidate Barack Obama, has been blasted for controversial statements he made to his congregation. What are some of the remarks he's under fire for?

"Elvis is not dead and will make a reappearance in order to steal rap music from black people."

"Hurricane Katrina was created in a Pentagon weather laboratory."

"The current administration is fallible."

"Justin Guarini was voted into the American Idol finale for being part white, but was then voted off for being part black."

"Nobody ever gets tired of eating bologna, am I right?"

"God loves each and every one of us."

"Stanley Kubrick could have done a better job casting The Shining."

"Maybe it's just me, but it doesn't feel like black people are always treated as equals to whites."

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