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Politics

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Obama's Minister's Outrageous Comments

Reverend Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr., the former pastor of presidential candidate Barack Obama, has been blasted for controversial statements he made to his congregation. What are some of the remarks he's under fire for?

"Elvis is not dead and will make a reappearance in order to steal rap music from black people."

"Hurricane Katrina was created in a Pentagon weather laboratory."

"The current administration is fallible."

"Justin Guarini was voted into the American Idol finale for being part white, but was then voted off for being part black."

"Nobody ever gets tired of eating bologna, am I right?"

"God loves each and every one of us."

"Stanley Kubrick could have done a better job casting The Shining."

"Maybe it's just me, but it doesn't feel like black people are always treated as equals to whites."

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