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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Obama's New Fuel Efficiency Plan

Last week, President Obama announced a plan to lower automobile emissions by requiring new cars to average 35.5 miles per gallon. How can Detroit rise to meet the challenge?

Launch massive campaign urging drivers to draft a few feet behind one another on the highway to minimize drag

Will no longer sell or lease to anyone weighing more than 150 pounds

Remove least fuel-efficient tire from every car

Gradually decrease the length of a mile

Slap a sticker that says "35.5" on all new cars

Bulldoze nation's uphill gradients

Talk Obama down to 34 miles per gallon by offering to throw in a copy of The Audacity Of Hope with each auto purchase

Copy the Japanese, probably

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