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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

The American Cancer Society predicts 40,170 women will die from breast cancer this year.

Here are some things women can do to help fight this silent killer:

  • Keep a canary between your breasts; should the canary die, contact a physician immediately
  • Exercise regularly so that the cancer will give up on you and go after slower, weaker women instead
  • Let the girls out for a breather every so often
  • Wear shirts that make you and others think positive things about your breasts
  • Edit the Wikipedia page for breast cancer and write a sentence about how you'll never get it
  • Avoid exposing your breasts in the immediate vicinity of a nuclear power plant
  • Consult some weird old Japanese lady and drink whatever nasty crap she advises
  • While in the shower, rub your breasts in a circular motion. Yeah, just like that. Maybe use a little soap. Don't forget the nipples. Oh, God, yes, that's it

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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