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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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October Surprises In History

Many elections have been altered by an "October surprise," or a sudden revelation that casts one candidate in a bad light. Here are some of the more memorable October surprises from years past:

1816: James Monroe (Democratic-Republican) vs. Rufus King (Federalist)—The Daily Pottstown Ledger intercepts a carrier pigeon carrying erotic poetry from Sen. King to an unidentified minor

1840: William Henry Harrison (Whig) vs. Martin Van Buren (Democrat)—In one of the earliest photographs ever taken in the United States, the incumbent Van Buren is revealed to be nothing more than a topcoat stuffed with leaves

1868: Ulysses S. Grant (Republican) vs. Horatio Seymour (Democrat)—Scandal erupts when it is discovered that Seymour secretly supports polio

1924: Calvin Coolidge (Republican) vs. John W. Davis (Democrat)—Publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst releases photos of Davis dressed as a flapper

1960: John F. Kennedy (Democrat) vs. Richard Nixon (Republican)—Chicago's powerful League of Deceased Voters rescinds its endorsement of Nixon

1984: Ronald Reagan (Republican) vs. Walter Mondale (Democrat)—Ronald Reagan finds Osama bin Laden and gives him $100 million to fight the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan

1988: George H. W. Bush (Republican) vs. Michael Dukakis (Democrat)—Voters are shocked when it is revealed that Dukakis previously slept with and impregnated his wife of many years

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