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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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'Oldest Bird' Not Actually Bird

The discovery of a new fossil suggests the archaeopteryx may have been more of a bird-like dinosaur than a dinosaur-like bird. Here are some other examples of commonly held beliefs refuted by recent archaeological finds:

  • The apatosaurus actually called brontosaurus by other dinosaurs
  • A fully preserved woolly mammoth discovered in Siberia reveals they all had luxurious platinum-blond fur
  • Stegosaurus plates evolved to protect animal from its own useless spike-tail
  • New evidence has led scientists to conclude this one big bone they found is not the entire skeleton of some elbow-shaped animal, but actually just one of many bones making up a larger animal
  • Ancient turtles moved lightning quick, had long legs, lacked a shell, and were covered in Cheetah fur
  • While abrosaurus can still technically be classified as an herbivore, paleontologists have established that foliage of the time was sentient and bulging with blood

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