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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Olympic Surprises

One week into competition, the London 2012 Games has already provided its share of surprises, including Michael Phelps failing to win a medal in the 400-meter individual medley. Onion Sports looks at the most stunning moments so far.

  • Somehow, Americans seem to recognize the fit, disciplined Team USA athletes as their countrymen
  • Bob Costas surprises even himself by only using the word "majestic" three times to describe the women's skeet-shooting final
  • American Jordyn Wieber fails to qualify for the all-around gymnastics finals after the judges dock her crucial points in the floor exercise for insufficient face glitter
  • Ryan Lochte spits up 15 liters of pool water after placing fourth in the 200-meter freestyle
  • British Olympians use home advantage to dominate every single event
  • Preliminary rounds in men's beach volleyball are canceled when a gross looking seagull refuses to leave the venue
  • Not a single medal so far for West Germany
  • Michael Phelps fails to medal in the 400-meter individual medley after getting bored with swimming halfway through and climbing out of the pool

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