adBlockCheck

Olympic Surprises

Top Headlines

Sports

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Olympic Surprises

One week into competition, the London 2012 Games has already provided its share of surprises, including Michael Phelps failing to win a medal in the 400-meter individual medley. Onion Sports looks at the most stunning moments so far.

  • Somehow, Americans seem to recognize the fit, disciplined Team USA athletes as their countrymen
  • Bob Costas surprises even himself by only using the word "majestic" three times to describe the women's skeet-shooting final
  • American Jordyn Wieber fails to qualify for the all-around gymnastics finals after the judges dock her crucial points in the floor exercise for insufficient face glitter
  • Ryan Lochte spits up 15 liters of pool water after placing fourth in the 200-meter freestyle
  • British Olympians use home advantage to dominate every single event
  • Preliminary rounds in men's beach volleyball are canceled when a gross looking seagull refuses to leave the venue
  • Not a single medal so far for West Germany
  • Michael Phelps fails to medal in the 400-meter individual medley after getting bored with swimming halfway through and climbing out of the pool

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close